3 Days of silence...part one
Here I am...pouring my heart out to you. I am in an verbally abusive relationship.
I decided to write this because I can not keep it to myself a day longer. My soul just can’t take it anymore. My son at the age of 16 was told that he has artist emotions. He should draw. Drawing will make him feel better. Today he is a tattoo artist and a successful one as well! I am a good writer, I have always been. If people tell you that then it must mean that it is true then isn’t it? So here I am writing to you lady. You that is sitting there crying your eyes out, not knowing which way. Do you know how many times I have just jumped in my car and just drove and drove, to absolutely nowhere! I don’t even know why I drove. I don’t know anything really. I would swear out loud in the car “I f hate you!!!” Half way down the road I think, oh my gosh, if I am not at work, he is going to be mad. I need to fix this! I am so so scared of him. I literally get heart palpitations if I just think about how mad he is going to be at me if he knows that I have left work. (We work together, different places, but same business). I am the other partner. I own the business. That is what it says on paper. He owes his own business, and that Is what it says on his! I get in new business, I build the brand, I push sales. The staff come to me when they are upset with my husband. Everybody always comes to me. But YET, I am still treated as the employee. The useless employee that never ever does anything right. I cant even go to women events, women networking events, then I get told, “Ag it is totally unnecessary really, you are only wasting money and wasting time. Will they ever support you? I don’t think so!” I would then cancel my RSVP. My dog is sick. If I do end up going cause it really is a wonderful networking event, then I would worry the whole night. I would rush home only to find him in a mood and he won’t talk to me for 3 days! That is normally the case if he is upset. I would get 3 days of silent treatment. Always 3 days. 3 days of Hell. I have told him how many times, please, I can not take the silence. It is killing me. He won’t listen.
I have googled a few things on verbal abuse. My blog will continue tomorrow.
He did an offroad race the other day. I was so excited to hear about the race because I knew that he would push. I support him with all his races. I go to Lesotho with him. I go to all the races when I can. He sometimes race on a Saturday then I run the business. He came home and told me all about it. I was so proud of him. I was waiting every day for the results to see how he did. Anycase, we had supper and after we ate he stood up so I stood up and I cleared the table. He raised his hand and his voice and said “Don’t EVER take things off the table if I haven’t finished!” I was taken aback. I told him that I don’t appreciate the way that he talks to me. I am not his employees!” Then he lost it! He said “You have been treating me like riff-raff for many years!!” Yes – I had an affair. An emotional affair with someone who told me that I was beautiful, kind, adorable, loved….after he has been telling me for years that I am useless, worthless and oh so ugly when I cry. So don’t judge me. Any women that get told that she is f useless will listen to someone who says that she is not. Our boys have never found out, but my husband said that the truth always comes out. So they will find out one day and It will crush them! (To be discussed a little later in this write up!). So to get back to the story….. I told him, “Oh that is just awesome, now we will have 3 days of silence!”. And that was it. 3 Days of silence.
So when the 4th day broke he spoke to me as if nothing happened. It is weird, it always is! So so weird. We went to our son to take groceries for him. He injured his foot so we also had to take him to hospital. There my amazing husband blurted out about how amazing he did at the race. He came 6th overall. He knew, he knew days ago! And he didn’t tell me. My heart was so sore. I do crossfit. He doesn’t support me. He will mock me when I get home and tell him how well I have done. He didn’t even wish me well the first time that I competed. He only sent me a work message. He didn’t even come. I watched the door the whole night to see if he would surprise me. Nothing. I got home and he didn’t even ask how it went. The 2nd competition he came, he was mostly on the phone outside. Everybody was clapping and cheering for me, I looked up and there he stood with his arms folded. I died. Again.